Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize