He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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