Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
