i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
