Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
