I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
