3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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