Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
