Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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