I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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