I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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