FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
