I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
