just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
