last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
