My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
