Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
