Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
