my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
