The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
