when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
