Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
