he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
