Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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