If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
