grandma shit on top of the toilet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
