A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
