I want to walk on stilts...naked
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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