True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
even my farts smell like vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
