I'm really into asian looking animals
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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