The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
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