Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
