my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
