Cold hands, warm shart.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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