You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
