I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
