Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
