Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you had me at cake vodka
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
