i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just shotgunned beers for America
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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