Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
