pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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