so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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