I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wear drunk well.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
