I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
