You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
