Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
