She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
