Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
