sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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