i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
