When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My cat gives me a boner
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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