What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
