Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
