sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
