Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize