You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
