im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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