Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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