Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
