i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
