Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize