yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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