pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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