i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize