discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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