ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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