I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
