i think my tv is drunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
