Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
