They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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