He passed out mid-signature
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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