He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
