How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
