In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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