A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
