I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
