coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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