apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
