Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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