Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
