When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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