dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
did you just send me my own nude
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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