Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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