So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
