Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
