I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize