Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
