I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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