Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
