I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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