Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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