Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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