I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
